Tara* and I met in 6^th grade in elementary school. I was the new girl in our school and we instantly clicked. As we got older and moved on to Junior High we fell out for about a year but we eventually grew together in High School. Tara had plenty of boyfriends, and towards the end of Senior year she met Darnell*. They instantly grew close and intimate; unlike with the rest, I think Tara fell in love with him.

They have been dating for almost a year and a half now and never would I imagine someone so close to me would fall victim to domestic violence. I don’t understand how he could ever think about raising his hand to her. She is not only a fantastic mother to his child she has been through it all with him. She had a miscarriage with their first child and has had to deal with all the drama with his ex- girlfriends and she still is with him.  The other night she woke me up by sending me pictures of a bruised face and arm so my initial reaction was to call and ask her “what was going on?” He had hit I her. She had been telling me about his temper and how eventually she thought he would hit her, and for it to happen shortly after she told me was scary.

As a friend, I feel horrible because she wants to leave and I have no way to help her. She doesn’t have a job and he is her only income besides government assistance. I suggested that she try talking to him and just explain how she loves him, but can’t be with him anymore. That turned out to be a bad idea. He hit her again. I can’t give her any money or any advice but to get away from him and get out the house.

I feel bad because she’s texting and telling me what’s going and I can’t give her one bit of valuable advice. She had found a business card that the pediatrician gave her for a shelter hotline and she called and made an appointment to come in the next morning, but she had lost her wallet with her identification and without identification she can’t be accepted at the shelter. At first, I tried to talk her out of going to a shelter because it isn’t safe for her son, but when I thought about it, it is the safest thing for her to do in this situation. My grandmother works for an organization that helps people in her situation so I told my grandmother and she is trying to help her the best way she can.

My friend has natural confidence and a strong demeanor and she never breaks down and cries, but I can tell she wants to. I really want to help her in any way possible, but I just can’t. She is the first person I know in an abusive relationship and I commend her for putting her foot down and leaving. This shows me that she loves herself and her son too much to put up with the abuse. I watch a lot of shows where the women stay and put up with the abuse because they’re not strong enough to leave. As a friend there’s only but so much I can do. I call  her everyday and text her constantly to make sure she’s alright.  She would have my back if I were in the same predicament and I have hers.

If you have been a victim of dating violence or know someone who has, you can get help and info at www.LoveIsRespect.org/.  They also have a free hotline you can call at 1-866-331-9474. 

*names have been changed

Christina is from Washington, DC and is a freshman at Clark Atlanta University in Atlanta, GA.  She's studying to become an FBI Behavioral Analyst. She spends most of her time hanging with my friends, on the internet, or listening to music. Have a question for Christina? Send us an email!