A recentsurvey conducted by ESSENCE Magazine in partnership with The National Campaign revealed that black youth say they feel a lot of pressure to have sex, that the pressure comes from many sources, and that giving in to this pressure often leads to both risk and regret. What was also surprising in the poll is that nearly half (48%) of the respondents say they have lied to get out of a sexual situation. Why does someone feel the need to lie to avoid a sexual situation?

Well, let’s look at it from a teen’s perspective. All teens want to be cool and accepted in the “In Crowd.” In general we feel the need to lie or hype ourselves up so that we don’t look stupid or inexperienced in front of our friends. In some cases, having experience is a major bonus point to people just as long as it isn’t too much experience. Sometimes lying about yourself and projecting an image that is not real can land you into a sticky situation where you have to lie to get out of. There is so much negativity out there that pressures teens to believe that everyone else is doing it. The media portrays us on TV shows and in movies as being sexually active and some teens feel pressured to live up to that image. Hooking up is sort of the final frontier for teens and sometimes even when we think we are ready, we really aren’t. In reality, we really are offended by these images and aren’t ready to go through with it so we lie. A girl I know is being pressured by a guy she hooked up with a few times to continue to hook up with him; she isn’t interested but she lies and puts him off.

A lot of teen shows present the option of lying to get out of a sticky situation. The other day I was watching the show Degrassi when one of the characters, Katie, tried to avoid having sex by making her boyfriend Drew get tested. She thought the test results would take a long time to allow her time to figure out the situation. When it didn’t go according to plan, she had to ask her friend Marisol to step in on her date to give her an excuse to not have sex with Drew. Instead of all the lies and deceit, Katie should’ve just talked to Drew and told him she wasn’t ready yet. 

There is a guy at my school who hits on a lot of girls and tries to pressure them to do sexual acts. Although many of the girls are grossed out by him, instead of just saying “no I’m not interested,” they laugh it off and give him false hope that maybe one day they’ll break down and give in. 

Honesty is the best policy and if you don’t want to do something, you shouldn’t feel that you have to lie about it. No should mean no and abstinence should be respected.  Being cool, being accepted, or even being sexy does not mean that you have to have sex. Think about it: if someone you like is pressuring you for sex and can’t accept no, are they really the one for you?Although it may be awkward, the best person to talk to about sex is your parents. It might surprise you to find out that they may have the best advice to help you avoid a sticky situation.

Makeda is 17 and from Woodbridge, VA. She is a member of The National Campaign’s Youth Leadership team and she is the official winner of the 2011 Pterodactyl Championship. Braaaaaaaaaaaawk. Got a question for Makeda? Email us!