Whoever came up with the phrase “Agree to Disagree” was probably single when they said it. It’s hard to have a romantic relationship that involves absolutely zero arguments. And that’s okay. A disagreement every now and then doesn’t make a relationship unhealthy—as long as you handle it in a healthy way.  The following five techniques should be avoided when arguing with your girlfriend if you put your relationship with her above always being right.

1. By texting: If the two of you are squabbling over your phones, give your thumbs a break and use your voice. Words can be interpreted the wrong way when they’re in text. And the conversation moves too slowly to keep up with what you’re both feeling. Put the text convo on pause until you can actually talk this through.
2. By raising your voice: Being yelled at only succeeds in making someone feel like they’re being scolded by their parents. If you’re feeling frustrated, a shouting match is tempting but will only make you hoarse and do nothing to solve the problem. Remind yourself to stay calm and try finding other ways to phrase your words if you feel you aren’t being heard.
3. By putting her down: When we’re losing a dispute we start grasping at straws. Sometimes this means pointing out what you see as her flaws. In hopes of undermining her argument a guy might try to belittle her with criticisms of her character. Use this technique and you’ll be sure to lose her – not just this argument. Take the high road and remember that she’s your girlfriend, not the enemy.
4. By ignoring her: When the situation seems hopeless it sometimes feels easier just to shut down. But going silent won’t accomplish anything. Push yourself to power through the awkwardness and express your feelings. Take your time, think about what you want to say, and say it.
5. By changing the subject: It’s hard, but you have to stay focused. This is not the time to bring up every problem you have with this relationship. Jumping from issue to issue will only get you both worked up worse than when you started. Stick to the topic at hand and coming up with a solution.

If you’re going to have a disagreement with your significant other (and if you have a significant other, chances are you will), you’ve got to do it in-person, with words, and with respect. Keep this in mind the next time you don’t see eye to eye and you’ll keep her around.

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.