If you’ve been in a hurtful or unhealthy relationship—or went through a nasty, painful breakup—it can be hard to imagine that you’ll ever find someone who will respect you and treat you right.  But you’ve heard that old saying about not letting one bad apple spoil the bunch, right? Well that goes for relationships too. Just because you’ve had a bad experience doesn’t make you a relationship loser. And this time at least you’ll know exactly what you DON’T want in a boyfriend or girlfriend. Here are some qualities to look for in your next healthy relationship:

1. Respect.  A good partnership can’t exist without respect. Look for someone who listens to you, is concerned for your feelings and well-being, and makes you feel safe.
2. Support. A good boyfriend or girlfriend will support you in whatever you do, whether that’s cheering you on from the bleachers or helping you ace your algebra test. Anyone who discourages your passions or makes you feel stupid is so not worth your time.
3. Trust. Do you trust your boyfriend or girlfriend? When they tell you where they are or whom they were with, do you believe them? If the answer is yes, then you’re well on your way to a healthy relationship.
4. Comfort. When you’re in a relationship, you should feel comfortable with the person you’re with, not like you have to hide your true feelings or opinions. If you can be yourself, that’s a strong sign of a healthy relationship.
5. Attraction. While you need much more than just physical attraction to keep a relationship going, there does need to be some spark, especially in the beginning. If you get butterflies in your stomach when he or she calls you or comes into view, enjoy it. It could be love.

A healthy relationship should have all of these qualities and more. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve—a person who appreciates and loves you for the fabulous person you are.

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.

Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!