By the time they leave high school, most teens have been in a relationship and most of these relationships didn’t last. Break-ups can be really hard, and breaking up with someone isn’t necessarily easier than getting broken up with. In this video, teens talk about what it was like to break up with someone.

Want to hear more? We asked the teens featured in this video to tell us more about breaking up...what it's like, why it's hard, and how to get through it. Here's what they had to say.

Have you ever broken up with someone?
Stacy S.

Have you ever broken up with someone? 
By Alejandro A.

As unfortunate as it is, I have broken up with someone. This girl and I were seeing each other, and had been dating for about three months. As time went on, I wanted to make it "official," but she was very concerned about allowing herself to fully open up to me. She was worried that I would get to know her too well, and be scared off by some of the personal issues she had. She was also scared that if I got to know her too well, she would allow herself to get too attached.

I had been thinking about making it official for a while, but I kept quiet because I knew it wasn’t what she wanted. If we ever had an argument we would usually sweep our problems under the rug and not address them. But eventually I just couldn't lie to myself anymore. I knew we both wanted different things, and that neither of us would be truly happy unless we confronted it. It was very hard to keep my feelings under control and not get overly upset, because I was ending it with someone I had fallen in love with. Some might say this wasn't a break up because we weren't officially going out, but I believed, at least at the time, that our relationship was stronger than some of the more grounded couples.  Still, even if it wasn’t technically a break-up, it sure felt like one to me.

Alejandro is a freshman at NYU, studying Biology and Chemical Engineering. He loves musical theatre, playing ultimate Frisbee, and being romantic. His jokes are also really cheesy. Got a question for Alejandro? Email us!

Have you ever broken up with someone? 
By Amanda P.

Yes, I have broken up with someone and it seems that I’m not the only one that hastrouble doing it.  I think the part that most people struggle with is getting up the courage to actually break things off.  Many people get comfortable in relationships, and it’s easier to ignore problems than deal with them.  Besides, the relationship might not be all completely bad, right?  There could still be some characteristics about the other person that are fantastic, or there might be some parts of the relationship that still bring a ton of happiness.

Also, maybe it’s obvious the relationship needs to end, but you still have some feeling for that person and it would be painful to see them get upset or be hurt.  In these situations though, it is important to remember that both people in a relationship deserve to be with someone who can reciprocate their feelings.  Each person deserves someone who is able to give equal amounts of emotional support and love the other person needs. 

Even if we don’t want to hurt that person we care so much about, we need to realize that no matter how hard we try, we can’t be the person they would like us to be.  For whatever reason, our feelings toward them have changed.  Therefore, my best advice would be to break up with someone sooner rather than later.  It is easy for people to get back together, but when relationships are dragged out, the pain during the break up is often more intense.

When I broke up with the last guy I was dating, I waited a month and a half longer than I should have.  The relationship was working fine from his point of view, but he was emotionally abusive and made me feel terrible about myself.  Still, I stayed with him because I thought he would change and I was too afraid to hurt him.  After realizing how much time I spent crying because of him, I finally decided to end it.  This time had impacted our relationship so much, that he was astonished that I no longer wanted to be with him.  He was so upset about the break up, that it took weeks of phone calls for him to finally have the closure he needed. 

So, I learned my lesson.  Breakups should be handled like removing a Band-Aid.  They should be done quickly to minimize the pain, but delicately enough to show the other person respect and the care that they deserve.

Amanda is 19 years old and from Monterey, California.  She loves to travel and learn different languages.  In her free time she does yoga, volunteers, and tries out new vegetarian food recipes.  Her current favorite recipe is vegan brownie cupcakes! Have a question for Amanda? Email us!

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• What's the best relationship advice you've ever received?
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• Why do some teens get into unhealthy relationships?
   

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.