It may be one of the seven deadly sins, but envy or, more accurately, jealously can sometimes be a good thing in a relationship—if you don’t let it get the best of you.  Think about it: if you’re even the slightest bit jealous if another girl or guy who tries to cozy up to your bf or gf, that could mean you have deeper feelings for them then you realized. Which could lead to a really meaningful relationship.

Pangs of jealousy can also make you speak up and tell your boyfriend or girlfriend what you really want: i.e. for your relationship to be exclusive, for them to call you more than once a week, or for them to devote more time to your relationship. But when you start to let those feelings overwhelm you or make you act in ways you wouldn’t normally, that’s when jealously is turning you a not very nice shade of green. Here are some signs that jealousy is starting to take over.

1. You start blowing up their phone if they don’t respond to texts or emails within two minutes. People are busy. Just because they aren’t glued to the phone doesn’t mean they’re spending time with someone else. And sending tons of texts/ making tons of calls is not the way to show you care—instead, it shows that you don’t trust your bf/gf.
2. You want to know where they are and what they’re doing 24/7.Ever heard of the concept of space? Yeah, try using it. The quickest way to turn someone off is to make them feel like they can’t breathe. You have a life, don’t you? Your partner does too and you should respect that.
3. You fly into a rage if they even speak to a member of the opposite sex. Chances are your person had lots of friends before he/she met you. And some of them may have even been of the opposite sex! You can’t expect them to just drop their crew because you came into their life. However, if he/she is spending just a little too much time with one specific “friend” you may want to check up on that.
4. You check their email/Facebook/texts/journal when they aren’t looking.Hello, stalker! Invading someone’s privacy is never a smart idea. Not only does it completely kill any trust your partner had in you, but it makes you look crazy. Think about how you’d feel if someone did that to you. Totally betrayed right? Yeah, that’s how they feel too. And who wants to be in a relationship with someone they don’t trust?

There’s a big difference between healthy and harmful jealousy so be aware of how your feelings are progressing. If you feel even the smallest twinges, talk it out with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Getting it out in the open takes the power out of the feeling and can make you feel better. Promise. 

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.

Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!