The Older Guy
Once you get to high school, a whole new world of possibilities opens up for you. Suddenly you aren’t limited to dating the boys you’ve known since kindergarten—the same ones who put gum in your hair or threw spitballs at you from across the room. Nope, you can leave those immature losers behind for a sophisticated older guy.
And believe me this is tempting. High school guys love the first day of school because a new crop of freshmen are roaming the halls. When I started high school, it wasn’t long before many of my girlfriends had snagged themselves a junior or senior boyfriend which definitely made them cooler (and me, too, by association). But dating an older guy also brought up much more grown up issues. Like how older boys often expect more out of a relationship than we had been used to. They can drive, so they want to take you out on real dates, they don’t have as much parental supervision because they’re older, and they may want to take things further sexually than you’re ready for. I don’t mean to say that a relationship with an older guy or can’t work. But there are some things you need to be realistic about if it’s going to.
First, you need to know what you’re comfortable with—and you need to be confident about telling him or exactly what that is. If he wants to go beyond your comfort zone for physical stuff, don’t be afraid to make that known. If that’s all they’re after, you’ll know pretty quickly and you’ll be able to get out of the relationship before you get hurt. Even if you really like the person, it’s better to know that your expectations are way different before you do something you might regret.
Another thing to keep in mind when you decide to date an older guy is how your parent(s) will feel. Odds are they won’t be super excited to learn that their 14- year-old daughter wants to date a 17-year-old boy (or their 17-year-old daughter going out with a 22-year-old guy, for that matter). But if you keep them in the loop about your relationship—and don’t lie to them or sneak around behind their backs—they’ll feel better about the situation, which can translate into more freedom for you.
Only you will know whether you’re ready to date someone who is older than you are. If it doesn’t feel right, or you feel pressure or trapped, listen to those feelings. They’re there for a reason. And don’t let your friends influence you either. Just because they’re ready for a more mature relationship doesn’t mean you have to be. You’ll know when the time is right. You just have to trust yourself.
Have you or any of your friends ever dated an older guy?
Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.
Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!
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WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:
My boyfriend is 16 gonna be 17 this year, and im 14 gonna be 15 kinda soon...since he's older it feels like he's moving too fast.. and im just not used to it 'cause i havnt been in a relationship like this before, and he's used to kissing and all that...so im just trynna go along with what he's doin but i keep mentioning how i wanna slow down..&idk if its working. but he came over my house the other day &afterwards, my mom was mad at me telling me that if we didnt slowww dowwwnnn then i wouldnt be able to date him anymore:( so i dont really know exactly what to do to change/fix it so it'll work.. but i really like him& he doesnt really get it..he thinks i just wanna slow down around my parents..not just in general. we've been together for a lil over a month now.
im 14 i like boys that 17 ;!6
IM 15 (A SOPHMORE) MY BF IS 18(A SENIOR) I WILL BE 16 IN AUGUST BUT I HAVENT TOLD HIM IM 15 AND MY GUARDIANS DONT KNOW THAT I HAVE A BF I JUS DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL THEM BECUZ IVE NEVER ASKED ABOUT WEN I CAN START DATING BUT I HAVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS BE4 BUT IVE NEVER TLD MY GUARDIANS IT WAS JUS A SECRET...I LIKE DIS GUY SO MUCH BUT IM AFRAID HE WILL LOOSE INTEREST IN ME ESPECIALLY SINCE WE ONLY SEE EACH OTHER AT SCHOOL IT REALLY SUCKS FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP I FEEL LIKE BECUZ OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE 2GETHER OTHER THEN SCHOOL THEN IT MAKES ME SEEM LIKE A LIL KIDD!!!!! :(
My boyfriend is 17 and I'm 14. I don't know how to act around him. I feel like he'll think I'm immature. But dating older guys is more fun because they're sweeter.
So I'm dating an older guy. He's 21 and I'm 18, so there is a big difference in things we can do. He really likes to party and I'm not really one to drink. We haven't been dating for long and I'm starting to wonder if it's a good relationship. I also keep thinking about my ex but I doubt he would ever get back with me. We are both "seeing" other people, but when I see him and he sees me he looks like he wants to say something to me but won't. I try talking to him but he won't respond back. I don't know what to do!
Ok so I need your help.... There's this guy who's 17 (a jounior) and I'm almost 15 ( a little freshman) and we have hung out with my cousin which is his best friend but that was all and one day after my softball game he kissed me like with tongue and it was my first kiss I was really nervous but excited and then the other day he came over while no one was home but me and we made out which was my second kiss and I was scared.... But after he kisses me he tells me not to tell anyone.? I don't know what to do??!???? Do I stop it now or do I ask to go farther in a relationship??? Nelp?!?!?!
A few years translates into a big gap in the teen years, but its less about age and more about values and maturity. There's a line, for sure though, no question about the line. But I go to a small school and its not out of the ordinary for a 14/15 year old guy to be dating a 11th grade girl. The girls are almost always older for some reason. My school is Christian and everyone is very chaste, so something like that isn't really a problem.
Im 15 and im dating an 12 year old at this moment have been for over 3 months. This is a little weird but i don't care about age. My friend doesn't care about aids..): But age aint nothing but a number, older guys pressure me younger guys don't.. But that's only an 3 years difference not no 20 year difference. My mom is cool with it... hahha MY MOMMY LOVVVESSS ME! AND I LOVE HER 22222! Im out..(:
Well I am 21 years old and my husband, which I have been married to for 3 years now, is 37 years old. I fell in love with him and I am still in love with him. In 2009 I had a baby boy and didn't even know I was pregnant until the day before he was born. That but a strain our marriage but we made it thru it. Everyone kept saying that we wouldn't make it but we did. I dropped out of high school because they put me in therapy for it because they thought I was making a mistake for dating him and then getting married to him 9 months after we started dating.
Honestly people who let their 14 year old daughter date a fricken 28 year old guy and completly trust her is crazy. I would never date a guy that was 28. And im 18 and I have been dating a guy who is 22 for 2 months. Call me crazy but my mom's ok with it and she likes him and I love him. So what's the problem with age difference really? To me as long as you know the guy for awhile and meet him in person who cares right? But with my past relationships it hasn't been the best for me, I have been cheated on so many times, been with the same guy over and over and now I have found a new guy whos been caring for me and loving me right. We are engagged now and waiting until summer to get our own place together. I think I have finally found the right guy for me. Advice to give to people is that don't let anyone or anything stop you from doing what you think is right. Best of luck.
I am 19 and my boyfriend is 23. I've never had a problem with it at all. We met when we were around 8 years old but didn't become good friends until i was a senior in high school. We waited until i was out of high school before we started dating because he didn't want to be dating a high schooler, in this case, now we are both in college and adults. Dating my best friend is amazing and i love him so much.In fact, we have made plans to hopefully get married within the next few years, God-willing. My mother doesn't love that he's almost 4 years older than me but you would never really notice it if you saw us together. My advice would be to be sure of your relationship with someone and go for it. Be careful, and smart and realistic. Don't get too blinded by love.
Im 15 and my boyfriend is 18. IT hasnt been a problem at all. Age doesnt really matter to us. He has never pressured me to do anything. My parents are totally cool about it and trust me 100%. Honestly, I dont know what will happen in the future. I hope things continue the way they have been but if he pressures me into doing anything im not comfortable with I will be gone in the blink of an eye. For Sure and he knows that (: Confidence is key. And I have come to notice that alot of guys think Confidence and openness about that subject is sexy. Kinda like he knows what he wants but he knows he cant have it.
Hi i am 14 and currently dating a 28 year old and we are almost to the point of getting engaged. My parents are totally okay with me dating a 28 year old. They even let us use their bedroom to have sex! Im and about 2 months pregnant actually and our baby was planned. We are so excited about having this baby and so are my parents!! I really don't seem to noticed that big of difference in our age! All of our friends are very supportive! Even though im only a freshman in high school and he as already graduated college, we are gonna have a wonderful life!
I have a friend and shes dating a older guy shes 14, hes 16, shes like head over heels for this dude and i just don't want her to jump into it and start doing things shes not ready for, soo we came up with the one year deal, she wouldn't do anything really sexual with her boyfriend for at least a year. It also helps see if your boyfriend really cares for you because if he does hell wait a year or how ever long you need. Just remember you know what you want, don't let someone else decide.
I'm a freshman (14year old girl) and I'm dating an 18year old junior. He's the youngest suitor I've had in some time but the only real relationship. I'm more expierienced sexually and socially and the only problem we have is HIM getting over attached or trying to spoil me (give me shopping money and such). Most of the time, our age difference isn't noticeable.
I dated a senior when I was a freshman, in high school. My mom was totally cool about the situation, but I found that I myself just didnt feel right about it. He was my first boyfriend, my first real kiss, The fist guy to give me a hickey that left my mom making fun of me for weeks, and the first guy I broke up with. I was nervous around him, and he almost "babyed" me, which I didnt exactly care for. One thing I have to say I gained though, was a TON of confidence. After 2 months, I broke up with him. It was one of the hardest things I did, but I dont regret it at all. You really have to learn who you're dating, before you date them.
I was in this situation when I was a freshman. I was 14 and I was dating a senior who was 18. Our relationship was good and we had no problems until he left for college. He started acting different when we talked on the phone; he would be either drunk or high. He always wanted to have sex with me WITHOUT protection and I would always say no. I realized that I wasn't ready for a relationship with an older guy. I thought I did before, but I realized that he was living in a different lifestyle and at a different pace than I was; so we broke up after almost two years of being together. I just started talking to him again a few months ago. We're friends, but I'm never going toward that road again. My advice to people in this situation is make sure you know you're ready for an older guy. If you feel uncomfortable, stop. Just wait. Don't let those guys pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable doing. I didn't.
I am actually dating an older guy. Im 14 and hes 16. My approach was before we attempted starting a relationship, I let him know of my Christian values and sex was reserved for marriage and so on. He was cool with it, and we have now been together for four months :)
being sexually is good but you need to no the right way.... NEED TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICEs ..... don't let guys or girls push u in to anything that you don't want to do.... it is a very big deal with the age between teens these day if u are 14 and with a 21 year old thats called rape
my boyfriend is 21 and i am only 16 my dad thinks that 5 years is to much of a age defference but as it said above if you dont lie and sneek around then you gain freedom. But freedom comes responsibility. even though my boyfriend is older he i i just like to watch movies with my family. it brings my family and him closer together but it also brings me and him closer together.
this is my exact situation. i am also worried that he will want me to go out lots and i am not allowed. i dont want to dissapoint him since he is a senior and im a freshman.
i am currently 17 yrs old and my bf is 20 almost 21 our relationship is amazing. We met back in high school when i was a freshmen and he was a senior we started out as friends and that summer after he graduated we started to date even though some times things get rough with him being at college i wouldnt change a day of our relationship for something different. My parents are 11 years apart so they dont mind the age difference as long as we arent sexually active. My boyfriend is really good about that he doesnt push me into things i dont want and i do the same for him. People make a big deal about age difference but they never hear the other side of the story before making assumptions not every relationship is bad.
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