You’ve met the guy/girl of your dreams. He or she is hot, smart, and totally into you. What more could you want, right? But when you’re out in public you notice that he or she has a habit of being…how shall we say…rude to other people. Like the waitress at the pizza restaurant who brought him a meatball slice when he ordered pepperoni. Or her mom, whose head she practically bit off when she simply asked her how her day was.

While these things may not seem like such a big deal when everything else is perfect, how your potential guy or girl treats other people is a HUGE indicator of how he or she will treat you someday. Because let’s face it: you’re in the honeymoon stage right now—they’re trying to impress you. But once he or she gets comfortable with you, suddenly you’re going to be the one on the receiving end of their anger. And that’s definitely not a fun or healthy place to be. Plus it’ll be much harder to see the truth and walk away once you have real feelings for the person.

The best thing to do is to pay closer attention to how your crush interacts with others. Are they kind and sweet? Do they treat people with respect no matter who they are? Or do they get upset quickly or make fun of people with little regard for how this makes those people feel? If the latter is true, speak up. The next time you see them bullying their friends or being rude to a waiter, let them know that their attitude isn’t cool with you and that treating people with respect and dignity is non-negotiable in anyone you plan to have a relationship with. If they don’t get your point, or worse, turn their wrath on you, they aren’t worth your time—no matter how cute or charming they might be.

Have you ever dated someone who was as sweet as can be with you, but a jerk around others? Would it bother you?

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.

Michelle Hainer is a freelance writer and editor whose work has appeared in numerous national publications including InStyle, The Washington Post, People, and Teen People. A former teen magazine editor, Michelle’s covered everything from pregnancy to peer pressure and is now covering all things relationship for Stay Teen. Have a question for Michelle? Send us an email!