Sure, cell phones and the Internet are great ways to get to know someone better, but there are times they can get you into trouble. Have you ever been in a situation where you overshared online or texted something you couldn’t take back?  Hear what other teens have to say in this What’s Your Relationship Reality video.

Want to hear more? We asked the teens featured in this video to tell us more about their online lives. Is Facebook the right place to send a message? What about via text? Here's what they had to say.

Would you say anything online that you wouldn't say in real life?
Stacy S.

Would you say anything online that you wouldn't say in real life?
By Alejandro A.

Having seen the darker side of the Internet, I’m very careful about what I say online to anyone. If I were ever to talk behind someone’s back, all it would take to undo me would be a couple of keystrokes. I think Aaron Sorkin put it best in his screenplay for The Social Network when one of the characters says, “The Internet’s not written in pencil… it’s written in ink.” Once sent in an IM or email, anything is public record, and if you’re not careful, it can lead to very embarrassing moments.

Everybody knows the movie Mean Girls, right? Well, I knew some girls in my school who had an argument about some thing or another.  They had the whole fight online, and one of the girls got so mad that she printed out the entire conversation and posted it on the walls of our school, exposing the other girl for talking behind many of her friends’ backs.  This certainly shocked me, but it was a major lesson for me, too.  I learned that if I have anything bad to say about someone, I’ll do it in person rather than online.  Or, better yet, I won’t say anything at all.

The problem is that the Internet is not secure, and the user has the risk of sending information out into the public, and it’s not only other teenagers that will see it, but schools and parents, who are becoming more adept at manipulating the Internet to keep an eye on their kids. That’s why colleges look at their applicant’s Facebook and other social networking pages, because if they see an applicant whose profile picture is of them drinking, what does he/she have to offer to the school? In my opinion, a good rule of thumb for the Internet is to never say or do anything you wouldn’t be willing to do in front of your friends and family.

Alejandro is a freshman at NYU, studying Biology and Chemical Engineering. He loves musical theatre, playing ultimate Frisbee, and being romantic. His jokes are also really cheesy. Got a question for Alejandro? Email us!

Would you say anything online that you wouldn't say in real life?
By Amanda P.

I am very careful when I am communicating online because it’s easy to misunderstand messages.  I try to never say something online that I wouldn’t say in real life; however sometimes it’s hard not to.  Especially when you can’t communicate how you really feel online and instead hold the feelings inside without expressing them.

For example, sometimes if I’m dating someone and something they’ve said online upsets me, I won’t tell them online because I want to talk to them in person.  This doesn’t sound like a big deal, but if you let it persist, it can become a problem.

I have many friends who have made their relationships more serious just through online communication.  One of my friends said “I love you” to her boyfriend before she was ready to because he wrote it online first.  Another friend consented to going further physically during online communication, when she really didn’t feel ready to. 

Most of my friends have been sent messages by guys asking them for nude photos or videos, and even though all of my friends said no, I think they would have responded more harshly if the guys had asked them in person.  In fact, I doubt the guys would have ever asked for something like that in person…doing things online can give you more courage that you might have face-to-face.

I think all teens should know that we should be more careful about what we say on the internet since it is permanent.  There are always records, even if we think we have deleted them.  Not only can what we say be used to embarrass us later, but it can also make people think we’ll do things we wouldn’t normally consider in “real life.”

I have one friend who talks constantly about sex online and on Facebook, when really she has no interest in having sex.  Her comments make her sound extremely promiscuous, so guys get the wrong impression and she has trouble meeting a guy she can trust.  All of her close friends know how she truly acts, and that she writes mostly jokes, but people who don’t know her well think otherwise.  Her online behavior has damaged her real-life reputation, and I think that’s something a lot of teens don’t realize can happen.  So, it is important for all teens think carefully about what they write on the internet.  Not only will watching what you write help your relationship be healthy, it will also help protect you from any misunderstanding of your values.

Amanda is 19 years old and from Monterey, California.  She loves to travel and learn different languages.  In her free time she does yoga, volunteers, and tries out new vegetarian food recipes.  Her current favorite recipe is vegan brownie cupcakes! Have a question for Amanda? Email us!

Watch More Videos
 

• What's your relationship reality?
• What do you think makes a healthy relationship?
• What's the best relationship advice you've ever received?
• What do you want in a boyfriend/girlfriend?
• Why do some teens get into unhealthy relationships?
• Would you say anything online that you wouldn't say in real life?
• What advice would you give other teens about relationships?
   

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.