Features

Stay Out Loud
What's Your Relationship Reality?
Myth Vs. Fact
If I Knew Then...
In the Media

Why do some teens get into unhealthy relationships?

Did you know that 1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner? And emotional abuse in teen relationships is even more common. In this video, teens talk about why they think some of their peers get into unhealthy relationships. Watch the video and tell us why you think this happens, and how teens can get out of them.

If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, seek help. You are not alone and there are places you can turn to for help. To learn more, visit our Dating Abuse Page.

 


Want to hear more? We asked the teens featured in this video to tell us more about healthy relationships and why they think some teens get into unhealthy ones. Here's what they had to say.

Why do some teens get into bad relationships?
Stacy S.

It’s impossible to imagine how or why someone would stay with a person who isn’t good to them, but I know so many people who have been in unhealthy relationships and have stuck around for way too long.  It’s hard to imagine why they got involved with their partners in the first place, but I think reasons like wanting to be “popular,” wanting to be loved, family issues, self-esteem issues, and just because they really think he/she loved them.

Being a teen, there’s the pressure of wanting to be “part of the crowd” even if that’s staying with someone who mistreats you. Many teens feel that they’re not loved, they don’t get enough attention, or no one likes them, so when somebody shows them attention—even if it ultimately ends up being negative attention—they want to keep that. They stay with this person because even bad attention makes them feel loved and they think that it’s okay for their companion to do that to them.

Then there is the possibility of having family issues and they can’t handle it and have no one to turn to, and somebody finally comes along. That person is nice and sweet at first, but then they turn into an abuser, a controller. You think he/she understands you really and that behavior is normal, because you deal with family issues and not being loved by your family.

Some teens may not think that they’re pretty or look good or have a nice body or a pretty face. So they think: “no one will ever love me or give me a chance.”  When the chance does come around, they get that amazing feeling that “yes I can be loved!” but they don’t see that the person they’re with is not treating them well. They think that he/she must really like them but they’re too blinded by the fact that they have someone and are afraid to let go.

Some teens think they’re so in love that it’s okay that their companion controls them. It is never okay for anyone to do that to a human being, everyone deserves the best and to be treated like a normal person should.

 

Stacy is 15 and from Grand Prairie, TX. Cheerleading and dance are what she loves to do. When she's not doing that, she enjoys going shopping with friends and watching movies. She's a girl of adventure and loves going to new places and hiking, biking, and taking nature walks. Have a question for Stacey? Email us!

 

Unhealthy Relationships
By Amanda P.

From my experience, my friends and I have gotten into unhealthy relationships for two main reasons: wanting to be in a relationship, and the hope that a boyfriend or girlfriend will change.

Several friends of mine entered unhealthy relationships when it was their first love.  They had low self-esteem or hadn’t dated many people before, and for the first time there was a person who was in love with them.

One of my friends didn’t date many people in high school, and when she got to college she suddenly received a lot of attention from guys.  She was overwhelmed by this power and decided to date one of the most desirable guys at her school.  The beginning went smoothly, and she had a lot of fun with him, but as she got to know him, he began to emotionally abuse her.  He would blame her for things happening in his life that weren’t her fault and he was openly jealous about her successes.  Even more unfortunate was that her friends didn’t notice how upset she was, because when they were in public everything seemed perfect.  I think she stayed with him so long because she also wanted to believe the relationship was perfect.  It was her first love, after all, and I think she was afraid she would never find someone she would love as strongly again. She is now dating someone else who is making her a lot happier.  The breakup with the first guy was really hard for her to go through, but it helped her grow and understand what to look out for when she started dating again.

I have another friend who stayed with a boyfriend because he promised her he would stop cheating on her.  They were in a long distance relationship, and she remained loyal while he strayed.  When she found out about him cheating from other people and she was devastated, but, she was convinced that once they were together in the same town again, it would stop.  The cheating never stopped, and now she has trouble trusting new people she dates.

In my opinion, if more time you take getting to know a person before entering serious relationships, the more you can avoid entering an unhealthy one.  Also, if you’re already in an unhealthy relationship, I urge you to talk to your friends and family to get the support and the strength you need to end it.  It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, but I find loved ones are more than willing to help us through any rough patches.

Amanda is 19 years old and from Monterey, California.  She loves to travel and learn different languages.  In her free time she does yoga, volunteers, and tries out new vegetarian food recipes.  Her current favorite recipe is vegan brownie cupcakes! Have a question for Amanda? Email us!

 

Watch More Videos
 

Funding for this project was provided by the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number: 90-FE-0024. Any opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed in this material are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families.

Posted on Oct 24, 2011 by Stay Teen
UNDER

WHAT OTHER TEENS ARE SAYING:

ON DECEMBER 12, 2011 AT 4:23 PM, HOPE SAID:

Great Article…unfortunately many people are confused on what Love really is and base it on how they see/feel fit as well as live with their choice/understanding of it. Kind of why we have girls with older guys looking for love in all the wrong places…Being used and abused isn’t love even if you believe it is.

(Many contributors…false information, lack of teaching knowledge, life experience, parents, manipulation, coax, con, confuse, misunderstanding, porn and most of all wrong education being taught. I’m sure many more.)

ON NOVEMBER 28, 2011 AT 5:10 AM, AIME TREVINO SAID:

Well at first she was a good gf then we got it to high school ,new friends new people just everything changed , we went to diffent high school so it was harder , she start cheating and I ask about it cuz a friend told me I just wanted the truth , when I ask she start to denie it I belived her cuz I wanted someone to love me , we were together for 2 years start off good but when we would get mad and say things we didn't mean it went down hill she start to put me down calling me ugly fat whore saying no one Ells would love she even started to push me around , slapped me a few times even on my b-day I couldt take it I ended but she would still call me taking mess pranked call me gave my number out for othere people to call and make fun of me told people about personal stuff I shared with her it was just bad... I started to cut and hate myself try to kill myself and my bad didn't help he said cuz I had a gf for being gay I deserved what I got ...now I'm in a good relationship with a guy I'm bi and my my mom loves him I don't talk to my dad or her anymore

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK:

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
Read our comment policy

Take the National Day Quiz!

 
Enter your zip code below to find a health center nearby.
 
 
 

Follow Us
Tweets