Stay Out Loud is our monthly series featuring articles writen by teen, for teens. Got something you want to say? Email your submissions and story ideas to stayteen@thenc.org.
When pictures of Rihanna's face were released last year after her then-boyfriend Chris Brown had physically abused her, everyone around the country gasped at the sight of the beautiful celebrity all bloody and swollen. They seemed like a perfectly happy couple, but as with many couples, appearances can be misleading. In fact, one in five girls who have been in a serious relationship report being slapped or pushed at some point during their relationship.
In November, Rihanna opened up about the attack, saying that her relationship was violent and abusive, and that "it's important for young women to know this is not a sign of love." The singer has since become an outspoken activist against domestic violence and considers her experience a lesson for young women who may also be victims of abuse.
Unfortunately, not all victims of relationship abuse receive the amount of support that Rihanna did. So many victims suffer in silence and fall victim to their partners' empty claims of "I'm sorry" and "I promise I will never do it again." Many victims of physical abuse suffer mental abuse, as well, causing them to lose sight of what they are worth and what they deserve.
With this dangerous combination, the girl being abused loses her self-esteem and begins to believe whatever her partner tells her. She becomes convinced she will never be able to find someone else who loves her and that the abuse she endured is her fault. However, as bad as conflict between couples may become, violence against one another is never justified. The girl becomes lost in that dangerous world, walking on eggshells, covering up the bruises and making up lies.
So why do women put up with it? Why not just end the relationship and leave? It's easier said than done. A girl caught in this kind of relationship has lost control of who she really is. She no longer is the person she once was, but rather a piece of property to the abuser. She gets trapped in a cycle of violence to which she sees no end.
Girls involved in an abusive relationship need more than a "you should just leave him" approach. They need someone to give them support and help them make the decision to leave the relationship for good. They need that extra push to realize that the relationship they are in is dangerous and will only get worse. They need to know that no one, anywhere, anytime, ever deserves to be mistreated by his or her partner.
Many times girls are too scared or embarrassed to ask for help, but sometimes teens feel more comfortable confiding in a friend than they would with a parent or other adult. However, it's not always easy for them to come to you. If you know someone who is involved in an abusive relationship, give them information and offer your help and support. If you know someone who you think is in serious or immediate danger, tell an adult you trust right away. Do not try to handle the situation yourself.
We must be informed, have respect, and realize that violence against one another is NEVER right. For more information on teen dating violence, visit Stay Teen's Dating Violence section or check out LoveIsRespect.org.