DATING VIOLENCE
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- Most teens (68%) say that their friends are in "healthy" romantic relationships.
- About one in five (19%) teens aged 15-17 say that most of their friends are in unhealthy relationships -- those without love, trust, mutual respect, and honesty.
- Teens often recognize when their friends and loved ones are in unhealthy relationships. Sometimes it takes outside perspective for people to realize what they are going through. When asked what advice teens would give a friend in an unhealthy relationship they respond with direct guidance:
"Think about yourself. Don't be scared. Do something about it now... You can do better, and it doesn't hurt to find someone else."
-- Girl, San Antonio focus group
"People in unhealthy relationships should know that they can get out of them, and it isn't their fault that the relationship didn't work."
-- Web Survey Response |
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When you're ready to get help, here are some people you can turn to if you are receiving OR giving the abuse:
- Talk with someone you trust -- a teacher, guidance counselor, doctor, friend or parent.
- Call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474, available 24/7 (1-866-331-8453 for the hearing impaired) or you can use the live chat feature available every evening. For more information visit www.loveisrespect.org.
- Contact the police or a local domestic violence center.
Don't want to find yourself in another unhealthy relationship? When you're ready, ask your guidance counselor, youth group leader, or other trusted adult about learning opportunities or classes on building healthy relationship skills available in your community. If there aren't any, suggest that they check out www.dibbleinstitute.org to start their own.
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SOME FACTS
- 1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
- One-third of teen girls say they have been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner.
- In an abusive relationship, one person typically uses POWER and CONTROL to gain the upper hand physically, emotionally, and/or sexually over their partner.
- One-quarter of teens who have been in serious relationships say their boyfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family.
- Nearly 1 in 4 girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressure.
- Learning healthy relationship skills greatly reduces your risk of violence with other teens.
KNOW THE EARLY WARNING SIGNS
Not sure if you are in an unhealthy relationship? Take a step back and ask yourself: Does your boyfriend or girlfriend...
- Pressure you to make the relationship very serious or have sex early in the relationship?
- Act jealous or possessive?
- Try to control where you go, what you wear, or what you do?
- Text or IM you constantly?
- Refuse to consider your point of view or desires?
- Keep you from talking to or spending time with close friends or family?
- Drink too much or use drugs and then blame the alcohol and drugs for his/her behavior?
- Threaten to hurt you or themselves if you leave them?
If your boyfriend/girlfriend has said or done something that seemed like a red flag, it probably was. It could become, or may already be, abusive. Always remember: You have every right to say no! No boyfriend or girlfriend has the right to treat you with anything other than respect.
WATCH FOR FRIENDS WHO ARE BEING ABUSED
In some cases, teens feel more comfortable confiding in a friend than they would with a parent or other adult. However, it's not always easy for them to come to you. So if you suspect that they are in an abusive relationship, here are some things to consider. Does your friend...
- Constantly cancel plans for reasons that don't sound true?
- Always worry about making their boyfriend/girlfriend angry?
- Give up things that are important?
- Show signs of physical abuse, like bruises or cuts?
- Have a boyfriend/girlfriend that wants them to be available all the time?
- Become isolated from friends or family?
If you think a friend might be in an abusive relationship, try taking an indirect approach to help them open up. Here are some suggestions:
- "You don't seem as happy as usual -- are you okay?"
- "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
But if you think your friend is in serious danger, tell an adult you trust immediately. Do not try to handle the situation on your own.
For more information, check out the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline webpage at www.loveisrespect.org.
Also be sure to check out the rest of our What's Your Relationship Reality? section for information on healthy relationships.