LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX

These days, what you don't know about sex can hurt you, so you need to know the facts. Whether or not you're currently having sex with someone, here are some numbers you should know:

  • 745,000 girls under the age of 20 get pregnant each year.
  • 85 teen girls get pregnant each hour.
  • 91% of teens think it's important to get a strong message that they should wait to have sex.
  • 75% of teens don't think it's embarrassing to admit to being a virgin.
  • 60% of teens who have had sex wish they'd waited longer.
  • 53% of teens say they're still virgins.
  • 53% of Latina teens get pregnant at least once before turning 20
  • 50% of guys have never considered what their lives would be like if they got a girl pregnant.
  • 35% of teen couples report having initiated sex within the first month of their relationship
  • 31% of guys say they did not use a condom the first time they had sex

For myths and other resources, check out the Relationship Reality Resources page!

WHY'D YOU DO IT?

If sex is so important and can have to many life-altering consequences - disease, pregnancy, emotional issues - then why are so many teens having so much unprotected, unemotional sex? It's the million dollar question and can have a million different answers - it all depends on the person.

Before you make a decision about sex, think about the following reasons teens have given for losing their virginity and consider whether your reasons are better:

  • I'm curious - I want to experiment/ get experience.
  • I just want to get this first time out of the way.
  • Sex is no big deal. Everyone is doing it.
  • Every one of my friends has had sex - I'm the only hold out. I feel like a wierdo.
  • The popular kids in my school are the ones who have sex - I want to fit in with them.
  • My partner really wants me to do it - he/ she says that it'll bring us closer together/ prove my love/ show my commitment.
  • There's nothing to do in this town but have sex.
  • I won't really know how compatible we are until we've had sex.
  • My parents are so controlling and strict - they'd freak out if they knew I was having sex.
  • We've already had sex once - I can't very well say no now.
  • It's just a ”friends-with-benefits” thing - what's the big deal?

Think you might not be ready yet?  Check out the Waiting page for more.

WHAT TEENS ARE SAYING

Hector, 18: As I was growing up, my parents, especially my mother, told me that making love was this very special thing. I always figured I’d wait until I was a lot older. But a friend fixed me up with a girl from another school last year, and it happened. This girl and I only went out twice. I hardly knew her, but she came on to me so strong that I kind of stopped using my head. I still can’t believe I let myself get pushed into it that way.

Jake 17:  All the guys are players. Everyone’s cheating left and right… lots of girls too. No one trusts anyone. Something tells me there’s something better than this. When I look inside me, I don’t feel good about what I’m doing. And, although I’d never say it out loud, I gotta lot a respect for those girls who ain’t just putting out. That’s the kinda girl I want someday.

Kelly, 16: I was sixteen and a virgin when I started dating Brian. He was great looking, older, sophisticated. I thought about him every minute. I was completely in love. After a few weeks, we were having sex—in fact, we did it every time we had a chance to be together. At first, I was so happy being with him but then I got scared and upset. I was afraid he would leave me and I felt kind of guilty. Here I was sleeping with this guy, and I was starting to figure out that he didn’t feel about me like I did about him. I was so sure I loved him, but I realize now that I didn’t really know him. I didn’t know then what it means to really know a guy. The truth is that, after a while, the biggest thing between us was sex.

Sandra, 17: I always dreamed that I’d meet the perfect guy and that we’d be so much in love and have this wonderful romance. But I guess I was too anxious to be in love. If a boyfriend would tell me that having sex would deepen our relationship, I went along with it. But I would just end up getting hurt because after we had sex, we would end up having lots of problems and breaking up. This kept happening to me.

John, 17: When I was younger, I ruined a lot of relationships by pushing so hard for sex. I’m kind of ashamed when I look back on it. Sure, I took girls out for dinner or a movie... but my main goal was to get them to bed. I pushed pretty hard. Lots of nice girls didn’t want to go out with me after a few dates. When I look back, I’m embarrassed about what they must have thought of me.

Melanie, 19: I think on the topic of sex I’m starting to understand it more and more as I get older. I have really changed my views about sex and am quite different about how I choose to be with someone. I wasn’t really happy when I was involved with someone and we were intimate, but I still did it. Now, I can’t even get close to doing that and it will probably take a long time for me to want to even think about it! I really need to feel connected and cannot have a relationship like that any more knowing how unhappy it truly made me.

What do you think? Have advice for other teens struggling with this issue? Want to tell your story? Send us an email!