Did you know that over 90% of teens believe that it's important that they get a strong message about waiting to have sex? In fact, 60% of teens who have had sex wish they had waited longer and 75% don't see anything embarrassing about admitting that they're virgins. Clearly, teens in the 21st century are recognizing merit in putting off sex and the consequences - both physical and emotional - that are attached to sex.

Some things to keep in mind about waiting:

  • Over half of all teens are not having sex, and of the half that are, most regret it and wish they had waited.
  • Unfortunately, the half who aren’t sexually active sometimes think they’re the only ones because they've bought the #1 Sex Myth: everybody’s doing it.
  • Moreover, some teens lie about having sex...when you think everybody's doing it - and you know you're not - lying can seem like the easiest option.
  • We also know from surveys that boys show significant respect—though often unspoken—for girls who resist pressure to have sex and remain virgins.
  • It's hard to believe, but most first time sexual relationships are romantic but short-lived. Eight out of ten first time teen sexual relationships last 6 months or less and one-fourth are one-time occurrences.
    Surprised? Check out some myths about sex on the Relationship Reality Resources page!

There are a million good reasons to put off having sex and one of the best is that your instincts are telling you to do so...you shouldn't be having sex because all of your friends are (or because you think all of your friends are) or because people on TV and in the movies do it and never face any repercussions. Sex is a very personal and intimate choice between two people and should be treated with respect. But if you're looking for some more concrete facts to consider, how about the fact that:

Sex creates expectations. Sex often doesn’t mean the same thing to two people. One person usually wants the sex to mean something—such as a relationship, commitment, or love. The other person may simply expect that sex will continue, as in ”we had sex today and we’ll have it again tomorrow.”

Sex-too-soon can stop a relationship in its tracks. Even though it seems counter-intuitive, this is definitely true. Because of unmatched expectations over the meaning of sex, there is often less honesty and less real talking about both people’s true feelings which leads to more wondering about the real feelings and intentions of the other person...then comes the pressuring. Often one person is pressuring for more sex and the other is pressuring for a relationship or a commitment. The result: instead of honesty, openness, and meaningful conversations that build a bond of friendship and genuine intimacy, there is more questioning, dishonesty, second-guessing, and pressuring. You can’t build trust in this situation.

Sex can take over a relationship. When there's nothing else to build on - like shared experiences or interests - sex can become the major focus. It means a relationship mainly becomes planning opportunities for sex instead of doing fun and interesting things and just plain enjoying each other's company.

Sex can keep a bad relationship going that should have been ended. Sex doesn’t necessarily mean love - instead, it often confuses two persons' understanding of what each sees in the other. On its own, it can create the illusion of closeness and often becomes a substitute for genuine emotional intimacy and can sometimes keep two people together who should have broken up.
The point is, when you use sex to try to get love or mistakenly believe your partner is on the same emotional page as you, you might find yourself disappointed. From there, your impression of sex can quickly lose all its special meaning and beauty.

Want to say no and could use some tips?  Check out the Relationship Reality Resources page!